she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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