I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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