around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
