Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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