Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
