Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She even gives head with a lisp.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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