He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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