the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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