but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
