So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
