last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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