She tied me up with her honor cords...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize