I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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