you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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