Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
