she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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