Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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