I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
