your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
