Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
