Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
