And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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