we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
