im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
