I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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