I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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