we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
