You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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