Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
