All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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