I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
