I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
