I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
