Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize