Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
