i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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