I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
