life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
