So drunk its hurt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
