Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
