I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
