i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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