She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Even my vagina gasped.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
