We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
