the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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