i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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