i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
