My friends, they love my intelligence
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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