Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
