lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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