Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
