No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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