What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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