yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
