Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
