I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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We are two peas in an std pod
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize