you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
