so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
