thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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