Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
