in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
