For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
