i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
