Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The police scanner is talking about you again....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
