Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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