how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
