I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
