i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Randomize
