I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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