We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize