Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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