I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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