i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
