I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
