It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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