Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
