Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
