oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
