I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
