someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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