i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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