happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
